Sick of feeling stuck? Focus on the greater good

Two days ago, I received an email from my favorite "adopted professor," Dr. Srikumar Rao.  I met Dr. Rao a couple of years ago when he called after reading my Open letter to CXOs
blog post.  As soon as I heard his voice, I relaxed and smiled, since
he exuded joy even over the phone.  We talked for over an hour, and I
learned that this open, humble wonderful soul taught creativity to MBA
students at Columbia and London business schools.  Despite being
incredibly intelligent, he didn’t have any of the academic stuffiness
that plagues many other professors.  He concluded the call asking what
he could do to help me.  I was floored and humbled that he would take
so much of his time to connect with a blogging Mom in Mesa, Arizona,
and was inspired by his generosity of spirit.

Dr. Rao told me that he recently did a presentation for Google, and
shared the YouTube link.  Last night, after the kids were tucked in
bed, I watched his presentation and was struck by something he said:   

"Your ‘me-centered universe creates the stress in your life.  To feel better, do things for the benefit of the greater good."

Using examples drawn from his book Are you ready to succeed?  Unconventional strategies for achieving personal mastery in business and in life Dr. Rao stated:

"You live in a me-centered universe.  We all do.  Each
of us evaluates events, near and distant, in terms of their impact on
"me."  If your spouse gets a great job offer, you think about how this
will affect your relationship.  When your daughter comes home with a
tattoo and a nose ring, you think abut how your friends will react and
what they will think about your parenting.  When you read about unrest
in the Middle East, among other things, you worry about the impact of
oil prices and how much more you will have to pay for gas.  You hear
about a car accident on the radio and think in terms of how delayed you
will be by the traffic jam.

Even your your altruistic inclinations are frequently tainted.  You
want to "do good in the world" and to "give back" but it is important
to you that you also be recognized for your actions.  You want your
jokes to be laughed at, your contributions to be acknowledged, and your
advice to be solicited and acted upon.  It is as if you walk through
life with an invisible sign on your forehead:  "This is ME.  Pay
attention.  I am important."

   This "me-centered" perspective is what causes so
much suffering, since the universe rarely gives you exactly what you
want when you demand it.

Instead, try focusing on the greater good for in some typically "sticky" areas of your life:

• Perfectionism
  Who doesn’t stress about work, parenting or even cooking?  My Mom
  and I laugh at how we both used to get totally obsessed with our dinner
  party menus.  If the chicken was rubbery or the vegetables tinged with
  gray, we would seethe with embarrassment in the kitchen, certain that
  everyone was quietly tossing their food to the cat under the table.
  After awhile, we realized how ridiculous we were being and toned down
  our standards.

  Focus on the greater good:  What will make your dinner
  guests feel good?  Great music, good company, lots of love and laughter
  is much more important than perfect food.

• Ego
  Recently, I shared a URL with a friend of a new fantastic book and website called The first 30 days
  (more detailed review on my blog to come).  Crestfallen, she wrote
  back: "I can’t believe it — she just created the very thing that I was
  thinking of doing!"  I have experienced the same thing myself in other
  situations, and it flares up ugly parts of my ego.

  Focus on the greater good: What does my target audience
  crave?  What information or services do they need?  If I am not the
  only one providing this information to my audience, that is to their benefit.
  And if someone creates a book or program or service that is better than
  mine, instead of fighting it, I should create something unique and
  different that will still serve their needs.  Competition stimulates
  excellence when we focus on solving our customer’s problems.

• Fear
  Two months ago I wrote about the scary state of the world
  and how it can make us feel unstable and uneasy, especially
  financially.  The more we obsess about the lack of jobs and resources,
  the more stuck we become.

  Focus on the greater good:  How can I help someone else feel
  less financial strain?  How can I do something in my business that will
  lead to more financial stability for my customers, and a more solid
  economy?  What can I give away that will support someone else?

• Loneliness
  Of all the obvious areas in which to apply the "greater good,"
  loneliness is in the center!  If you are feeling disconnected, alone,
  unappreciated or unloved, it is easy to get trapped in your own web of
  woes and spiral down in depression.  My favorite example of this was
  when I called a good friend one evening and asked her what she was
  doing.  "I am sitting here in the dark, alone, drinking a glass of wine
  and listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing "Someday he’ll come along (the man I love)"
  Although it was incredibly inappropriate, I started giggling, since the
  image was so absurd.  Pretty soon, we were both roaring with laughter
  since obviously, the "man she loved" was NOT going to come knocking on
  her door with that strategy.  We now call it "The Ella Moment."

  Focus on the greater good:  Get your hiney out the door and
  into the heart of someone who needs you.  I am not talking about lonely
  souls at the local bar, but rather someone who will appreciate your
  love at the highest level. Go hug drug addicted babies at the hospital
  (they actually have great needs for volunteers at some facilities).
  Visit an elder home and sit under an oak tree and listen to a grandma
  or grandpa tell stories for a few hours.  Volunteer at a youth program
  and help a youngster with homework.  The joy you will feel at
  connecting with someone else who needs you will feel so great you will
  radiate with love.  And then, who knows, on the subway home, maybe he
  will come along, the man you love.

I want to stress that focusing on the greater good does not mean
serving others at the exclusion of yourself.  The power in helping
others succeed, as Dr. Rao says, is that  "the universe naturally
organizes itself to help you."

Try it!  Let me know how it works out.

View Dr. Rao’s entire talk on YouTube at this link.

He also just came out with an audio version of his personal mastery program here.
And if you enjoyed his talk, let him know!  I would love for him to
feel the same support and joy that he so generously shares with others.

What are your thoughts on getting unstuck by focusing on the greater good?